Season 1[]
"Great job, Mom . You forgot to get chips!" -Pilot
"I had the lowest of expectations, and I'm still disappointed." -The Bee
"Sue, face it! You're never going to be a model!" -TV or Not TV
"My name gets to be in the name because your garage is filled with your sister's gymnastics equipment!" -TV or Not TV
Season 2[]
"Why are you trying to ruin my life? -Homecoming
"I'm going to give you the gift of me this year" -A Simple Christmas
"Why can't I feel like Beyonce?!" -The Math Class
"Fine, whatever, god!" -The Legacy
Season 3[]
"I'd like to solve the murder cuz you just got Axed!" -Hecking Order
"My Life-Changing Event, by Axl Heck. There was a moment not that long ago, when an event happened that changed my life, a moment that made me question everything I knew about myself to be true. I thought this girl was really hot, and I asked her out and she said 'No,' and then I was like 'Why? Am I not hot?' and I couldn't believe it, 'cause a lot of people think I'm hot, but maybe I wasn't hot. Maybe I was wrong about being hot. So I stood in front of the mirror, staring at myself for, like eight hours, asking myself 'Am I hot or not hot?' and as I reflected on my reflection, I realized 'You're the Ax-Man of course you're hot.' So then, like, I asked her out again, and she said 'Yes.' The end." -Valentine's Day III
Sue: "Maybe somebody stole it."
Axl: "Yeah, there's a band of nerds running around stealing nerd jackets, selling them to nerds in Russia. You gotta be more responsible. Brick! read my book!" -The Sit Down
Season 4[]
"And the Oscar for the worst mother goes to..." -Winners and Losers
"There's nothing we can't do. We don't wanna clean a garage this weekend? We don't like what's for dinner? We wanna sell Mom to a rich man, we can do it." -Wheel of Pain
"Maybe if I put a bikini on my idea, you'd like it." -The Ditch
Season 5[]
"See ya later suckers!" -The Drop-off
"Let's go, Pops!" -The Drop-off
Season 6[]
Sue: "I can just kiss seargeant of arms goodbye!"
Axl: "Not with that mouth you can't! I'm back, baby! " -Unbraceable You
"Noooooooooooooooooo!" -Halloween III: The Driving
Season 7[]
Axl: "Sometimes I need a fork, and you get it for me. And that's why you're gonna succeed in life 'cause you get people forks. When you need a fork, I just say 'Why? You can eat out of your dog bowl.' Who does that? I mean, I'm a jerk. You're nice and I love you."
Sue: "Really?"
Axl: "True dat, sista." - The Wisdom Teeth
Season 8[]
"Where is it? I know that you have some secret girl chocolate in here somewhere!" -True Grit
Sue: "Look, I believe I was very cool about you dating my best friend, but I didn't know it meant that you would be there all the time, even when she's not here!"
Axl: "I married April!"
Sue: "My brain can't processs the fact that you said 'married' so I assumed you said 'carried', like over a puddle."
Axl: "Yeah, I carried her...into the Winnebago after I married her!" -A Very Marry Christmas
Axl: "I'll give you half if you don't tell Sue I have fluff. She's like a jackal"
Lexie: "Sue's my best friend, and I find that selfish. But I'm hungry, give me some." -Hoosier Maid
Axl: "Last time I checked, Lexie's dad is paying the rent, so what Lexie wants, Lexie gets. And what Lexie wants is all this, and Lexie's dad wants me to have your chips." -Adult Swim
Season 9[]
"I'm not a kid anymore, I need to get a job!" -Eyes Wide Open
"You can be my assistant sister, my assister!" -The 200th